


Mistranslation

by mrs_leary (julie)



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-16
Updated: 2010-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:19:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/mrs_leary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bradley thinks he and Colin have this thing going on… even though they seem doomed to never understand each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistranslation

**Author's Note:**

> A very very belated birthday offering for **glaringcandle** , in response to her prompt of 'misunderstanding / miscommunication'. She may realise how challenging I found such a prompt, and therefore how much I appreciate it. ♥

♦

### a haon, a dó, a trí

Bradley James and Colin Morgan had this thing going on… Bradley wouldn’t be able to define it if he tried, and he could never quite pin it down, but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist. They spent so much time together, on set and off, and that wasn’t just because they were playing Arthur and Merlin in this new show they’d started rehearsing for and filming six weeks or so ago. Sometimes it was as if they couldn’t quite leave each other alone – even though that led to as many irritations as happies. One day, Bradley thought, one day when they’d finally worked each other out – which must be _possible_ at least, even if it was all one step forward and two steps back for now – _one_ day maybe the balance would shift, and they’d become friends, real friends, and the moments would mostly be sunshine rather than the threat of storms…

Take this evening, for example. A group of the guys and a few girls from cast and crew had gone out drinking for their last night in Cardiff before the filming shifted to France the following week. And Bradley and Colin had gone with them – but even though it was a large crowd, and Bradley got along with everyone there, he and Colin were _like this_ all night, they were each other’s shadow, jostling elbows, leaning into each other, and holding each other up as occasion demanded, whispering punch lines and impertinent observations to each other… Which was fine while Colin was still relatively sober. And actually was fine when he wasn’t, too, but for one thing: his Irish cadences, to which Bradley was still un–attuned, grew thicker and thicker as the night wore on.

Bradley put up with it, though, and genially nodded his way through their incomprehensible conversations, because at such times the normally reserved Colin Morgan became as physically expansive as Bradley himself was. Which was a good thing. Colin was happy, relaxed, and Bradley could be himself, could just _go_ with the affection wherever it took him, and all was right with the world. As indeed it was this evening, Bradley reflected, wallowing in the fact that he had Colin plastered up one side of him, and Colin’s arm wrapped strong around Bradley’s shoulders as if the man would never let him go. All was very very right.

Until Colin leaned in close with a sloppy yet charming grin, and muttered something mildly urgent in Bradley’s ear, and then drew back to consider him with an enquiring eyebrow.

Bradley stared at the man, totally caught out. ‘Ah,’ he said. Because Colin apparently expected an answer, and Bradley suspected that a genial nod just wouldn’t cut it. God, and if Colin thought Bradley had been humouring him this whole time… ‘Sorry. Say that again?’

Colin rolled his eyes, but pushed in and rather pointedly repeated a sentence that seemed to end with –

Bradley frowned, even while he told himself not to be stupidly sensitive. ‘Did you just call me an eejit?’

Colin reared back. _‘No,’_ he retorted with belligerent surprise. Nevertheless, he let something pithily Irish drop from his lips.

‘Look, mate, you know I don’t speak Guinness.’

Which was when the storm clouds abruptly descended. Colin scowled at him, and looked distinctly like he very much wanted to give Bradley a shove. Instead he yelled right in Bradley’s face – in a mockingly fine RP – ‘Well, _now_ I’m calling you a fucking idiot, old chum,’ before switching back to Guinness – _‘yeh foockin’ eejit!’_ And then he hurled himself out of there, leaving Bradley stunned in his wake.

‘Yes, absolutely,’ Bradley observed to those around him who couldn’t have helped but witness their little scene, ‘that went very well indeed.’

♦

### un, deux, trois

Colin went back to being reserved after that, but he was still friendly and there was never even a hint of resistance to Bradley’s matey advances – all of which seemed to be his natural state, so probably no one else noticed that anything had changed, and if Bradley had tried to explain to anyone that Colin had withdrawn in some significant way, they’d tell him he was being paranoid. Bradley had one piece of evidence, though, that only he was witness to. And that was something that happened – or, more to the point, didn’t happen – on their first day in Pierrefonds.

They’d all gone to the Chateau for a day of exploring, of getting a sense of the location, of blocking out a few scenes and trying to make the place feel like _theirs_ before filming began the next morning. They’d all been as giddy as children because the place was every kind of awesome. And there was a moment as Bradley emerged from the tower he’d just climbed, and Colin emerged from visiting the great hall that would be their throne room, and they were both just bubbling over with excitement… there was a moment in which they would have hugged cos what else could they possibly do with all that joy? But they didn’t. Bradley was heading there by instinct, though he’d already remembered enough to feel a qualm, even before Colin kind of veered off. And nothing but awkwardness ensued.

The two of them stood there for a heartbeat or three, misaligned. Wondering.

Until Colin offered, ‘I heard there’s a crypt.’

And Bradley cried, ‘Cool!’ Off they dashed, like a pair of kids on an adventure. So that was all right.

But Bradley would have preferred to have the hug as well.

♦

Within a couple of weeks, it was almost as if that horrid evening in Cardiff hadn’t even happened. They were comfortable together, Bradley and Colin. And finally, after they’d just totally aced a scene, it happened. Merlin and Arthur had A Moment together in reaction to Valiant, a moment of empathy and understanding, this feeling that for once they were on the same side – which Arthur immediately deliberately undermined. And Bradley and Colin played it with the most exquisite timing, this quick back–and–forth of glances and breaths and grimaces, played the characters as so raw with each other. All by instinct. Well, no: better than that. By each of them _giving_ themselves to the scene, taking that leap of faith together, and the reward was this, _this_ – this sense that they were both in the heart of the matter, driven by the purest instincts, and what they created together was _real_.

Bradley held his growing euphoria in check until they were suddenly alone, walking together up the path to where the trailers were parked. And then he cried out, under his breath, some incoherent version of _Yahoo!_ And Colin did his snorting kind of _Heh_ , grinning happily at Bradley, meeting his gaze, just all of Colin, _all_ of him in those eyes and that smile – and Bradley couldn’t help himself, he just couldn’t – though a voice inside him cautioned restraint, another advised _It’s now or never_ – and he grabbed Colin in both arms, wrapped himself tight around Colin’s shoulders –

And Colin responded – _Thank god_ , Bradley prayed fervently – Colin grabbed as well, and held him close, and for a moment they were pressed together, and they were both almost bouncing with the joy of it, so they did this weird little bobbing dance before they heard voices and footsteps approaching, and they parted with a conscious giggle, and kept walking, shoulder to shoulder now.

Except that just as Bradley thought they’d finally got things sorted out between them, or at the very least they’d pushed past the difficulties, he discovered another problem entirely.

He pondered it in silence as they headed up the path, as they parted with a quiet smile and a nod before each going to their own trailers. Bradley’s smile was genuine, but not as generous as Colin’s at that point. Cos he’d responded to his mate’s embrace. He’d loved holding Colin, and more than that he’d _loved_ being in Colin’s arms, pressing close, jiggling around. He’d loved it so much that he’d _responded_.

Bradley stood there in the privacy of his trailer, staring down at The Problem. Well, not at _it_ directly, cos he was almost too afraid to take off his costume now. To be confronted by the reality. He’d just gotten turned on by a scrawny, crazy, unfathomable Irishman. His co–star, no less. And Bradley had always been one hundred percent certain that he was straight.

Well, he thought, frowning. Admit it, he chided himself. _Almost_ always.

♦

### un, dau, tair

Whenever he was with Bradley, Colin’s smiles were warm and his eyes were sparkling and his voice was rich – warmer and sparklinger and richer than when he was with anyone else – and Bradley would have _loved_ that, he would have _revelled_ in that, if only it weren’t for this ongoing problem with his own responses – which were quite helpless now, he just helplessly responded to this man at the slightest provocation, with no provocation at all, Bradley was just so undeniably _on_ whenever Colin was around, and then Colin would grin at him with that warmth that twinkled from his eyes and dimpled his cheeks, and Bradley hardly even knew what to do with himself, it was the most unbearably exquisite _torture_ , and he struggled through for a couple of weeks maybe, until at last at last he cracked.

They were on the train from Cardiff heading back home to London for the weekend, and despite Bradley’s manoeuvres or maybe because of them – Bradley couldn’t even tell any more – Colin was sitting beside him, and they were both kind of slumped down in their seats, talking quietly, creating their own little world together, and Bradley broke. ‘I have to tell you something,’ he announced in a whisper.

‘Yeah?’ Colin responded with a happy eagerness.

 _Oh god,_ thought Bradley, _oh god._ ‘Look,’ he insisted, ‘there was this guy once –’

‘Mmm…’ And suddenly Colin was overwhelmingly _focussed_ on him, just completely _intent_ , as if there were nothing else in the whole wide world for Colin Morgan in that moment but Bradley James. ‘Yeah, this guy,’ Colin echoed encouragingly.

‘Yeah. I was out with my footy mates, see? Celebrating.’

‘Ah.’ Colin nodded. ‘It was one of your footy mates. And the two of you… celebrated. I understand.’

‘No, I mean – someone else. A guy. Cruising me.’

‘You all went to a gay bar?’

‘No! No, I mean – it was a regular bar.’

‘Regular,’ Colin echoed, and he twitched with disapproval for a moment, before re–gathering himself. ‘Well, OK. But… does that kind of thing happen often? In, uh, regular bars.’

‘No! No. That’s kind of the point. And my mates, my footy mates –’

‘Gave him hell, I suppose.’

‘Hey! They are _not_ Neanderthals.’

Colin had the grace to look apologetic. ‘All right.’

‘They were, uh… egging me on. You know?’

‘At this point, Bradley, I really don’t.’

‘I guess they could tell I was kind of interested. Despite myself. I mean, I’d always been straight. _They_ knew that, _I_  knew that. But…’ Bradley cast his glance once more over his friend’s physique, and it was almost a relief to be able to do that overtly for the first time. ‘Well, he looked pretty much nothing like you at all, except that he was tall and scrawny, and I always figured that if I ever _did_ go for a guy, he would be tall and –’

‘ _Slim,_ I think,’ Colin cut in. ‘ _Slim_ would suit your purposes better right now.’

‘Sure, and…’ Bradley trailed off, wondering what on earth he was doing. Trying to remember why it had suddenly seemed so very urgent to tell Colin this story; trying to figure out why he was doing nothing but offend this man, his friend, and only digging himself in deeper with every word. ‘Tall and…’ he said lamely.

But Colin nodded encouragingly, taking pity on him. ‘So, there was this guy, and he liked you, you liked him, and your mates were pushing you in his direction. What happened?’

‘I, uh… I went home with him. To his place.’ Bradley was blushing, he could feel himself just _broadcasting_ embarrassment.

‘OK…’ Colin nodded slowly. ‘So you’re more… experienced than I thought. You’re more –’

‘Nothing happened.’

‘– open to this. What?’

‘Nothing happened.’ Bradley gestured helplessly with both hands _down there_. ‘Nothing worked.’

‘Ah.’

‘Only time ever, for me.’

‘I see,’ Colin said distantly.

‘With you –’

‘I get it.’ He’d pushed up higher in his seat. ‘I can take a hint.’

‘Colin, with _you_ I’m –’

‘I don’t want to hear it,’ Colin bit out, standing up. He made a show of stretching, but the people around them weren’t fooled. They stared, or deliberately _didn’t_ stare, somehow picking up a whole lot sooner than Bradley had that Colin was seriously pissed off with him right now. ‘You don’t have to tell me once, let alone twice.’

‘But, Colin, I’m trying to say –’

Colin suddenly leant in close and furiously hissed, _‘D’you think I’m the kinda guy can’t take no for an answer?’_

And Bradley was so taken aback that he could do nothing more than gape.

Colin stalked off down the train, looking for someone else to sit with.

Bradley just stared at his retreating back, and then at the empty space where Colin had been only moments before, where he’d been when Bradley had been trying to say… Where he’d been when… Bradley sighed, and whispered it now: ‘With you, it’s all working 24/7.’ He pressed his forehead against the cold hard glass of the window. ‘Only time ever it’s been like that, for me.’

♦

### one, two, three

Colin was frostily polite with Bradley for all of five minutes when they met up again in Cardiff the following week. But as soon as Bradley summoned up the courage to say, ‘I’m –’

‘No, _I’m_ sorry,’ Colin was immediately responding, warmly polite now. Genuinely concerned. ‘I’m an idiot. Honestly. I shouldn’t have got my hackles up like that. I should never have –’

‘No, _I_ should never have –’

‘It’s not like I didn’t know better, right from the start –’

‘But, Colin –’

‘Well, least said soonest mended,’ Colin briskly concluded.

And apparently he really thought that was that.

♦

But Bradley wouldn’t let go. He was helpless, helpless. Even when he overheard some of the crew laughing over the eager little puppy scrambling around after Colin with his tongue hanging out; even when he overheard Katie acerbically commenting that Colin was the last person on earth to want a co–dependent. None of that mattered much when Colin smiled at him.

Bradley couldn’t leave the man alone. And yet he had this dream one morning as he lay dozing, caught somewhere between wishes and reality. He had this dream where he opened his arms to Colin, opened himself, offered himself, and he lay back – and as he lay back he drew Colin closer to him, the further he lay back the closer Colin came, until at last as Bradley arched back at his furthest stretch, Colin was in his arms, in his embrace, in _him_ , pressed snug within him – and Colin finally gave himself over then, took charge and instead held Bradley, cradled him near while moving deep deep within, and –

And this seemed like great wisdom to Bradley, with great reward, but he couldn’t practise such restraint when it went so against his natural grain, he couldn’t hold back for the world.

Maybe it didn’t matter. They were friends. Despite everything, they were friends. They’d run lines together, and at first they did that very seriously, properly, as Merlin and Arthur – but soon Bradley began doing his voices, he’d deliver Arthur’s lines as David Bowie, as each and every James Bond, as Victor Meldrew, as Rupert Giles. And Colin would laugh so much he’d end up giggling helplessly, squirming with mirth – and, well, it wasn’t _quite_ how Bradley wanted to make Colin squirm, but it would do for now. And Colin didn’t ever do the voice thing, but there was this one time when he delivered his lines just _exactly_ as Bradley would have done, and that was awesome, that was incredible, cos it meant that Colin had been paying very very close attention indeed.

♦

Bradley even invited himself along when Colin went on his evening constitutionals. Colin would go for a long rambling walk after dinner when they weren’t doing night shoots, and even though Bradley was pretty sure Colin valued the time alone, he couldn’t resist. It wasn’t as if Colin ever told him no, or was anything other than friendly.

One night they were leaning on a bridge looking down at river water sliding dark under the moonlight, and Bradley was feeling an urge so strong to fall towards Colin’s tall slim body that he found himself saying, rather wistfully, ‘It’s too late to ask for a kiss now, isn’t it?’

‘It’s not even ten–thirty yet,’ Colin smoothly replied.

Bradley had no sense of humour left any more. Not about this. ‘A kiss. So we’ll know for sure.’

‘Sorry,’ said Colin. ‘I just don’t think you’re ready, Bradley. Maybe you’ll never be ready.’

‘Why not?’

Colin shrugged. ‘I know you’ve had a moment or two of confusion, or curiosity –’

‘It’s more than that.’

‘Your last experiment didn’t go so well, did it?’

‘But it wasn’t just –’

‘An exploration?’

‘– and anyway, it’s different with you.’

‘You’re not ready,’ Colin flatly repeated.

‘But you’re – you’re –’

‘What?’

‘Inspiring. Invigorating. Intriguing.’

Colin was watching him, just the tiniest bit interested. His eyes stole a gleam from the moonlight, his lips were plumply kissable, and his astonishing profile was never more dramatically lit.

‘God…’ Bradley whispered. ‘You’re –’

‘Bradley. Stop. You want to know what _our_ destiny is? Yours and mine? We’re doomed to never understand each other.’

That was a direct blow to the heart. ‘How can you –’

‘When I first told you I’m gay, I swear you thought I meant happy.’

That was even worse. ‘Aren’t you happy, Colin?’ Bradley asked mournfully. ‘I wish you were happy…’

A sigh, and Colin turned to directly gently confront him. ‘I don’t think we’d make each other happy, Bradley. Not for more than a few minutes at a time.’

‘We could try.’

‘You’re not ready,’ Colin concluded. And he walked off back towards the hotel on his own.

♦

### do, re, mi

‘It’s not that I wasn’t interested,’ Colin said, just conversationally as if it weren’t their hearts on the line. As if Bradley’s very soul wasn’t caught up in this. They were in France again, and now it was Colin who couldn’t seem to quit worrying at the subject. ‘I really was. When we first met, I thought –’

‘What did you think?’ Bradley asked from the sunlight, turning towards the man who sat beside him in the shade.

‘All kinds of mad things.’

‘Sounds good to me. Can’t you think them again?’

Colin laughed a little wryly. ‘We do well enough as friends, don’t we?’

‘Well, yeah. Isn’t that a point in its favour? I mean, that’s a good basis for more. Friendship is a pro rather than a con…’ Bradley sighed, cos Colin was obviously remaining unconvinced. ‘What _is_ a con anyway?’ Bradley muttered, disconsolate.

♦

And _still_ Bradley followed Colin around like the most faithful and besotted puppy. He was hopeless. Despite Colin explaining at regular intervals how useless it all was.

One evening, when they had a long break between takes cos Dale needed to completely reset the lighting, Colin led Bradley up to the top of one of the towers, and they silently contemplated the deep blue twilight slowly darkening over the village of Pierrefonds. The sky was so beautiful that Bradley was almost mesmerised, waiting there spellbound for the first star to appear.

‘Are you ready?’ Colin murmured quietly. He was standing by the parapet, leaning forward to gaze down at the ground far below, bracing himself with both hands on the cold stone. ‘You ready, Bradley?’

‘For what? No.’ Of course he didn’t understand at first. If anything, he felt a bit scared, with Colin so intently considering the drop. But then Bradley belatedly realised, just as Colin was turning away, almost too late. Too late. ‘No, wait! _Yes_ , I’m ready.’ He resettled himself, finding his centre of gravity, letting his balance flow into his natural stance. ‘All right, _now_ I’m ready.’

And finally _finally_ Colin stepped forward and kissed him, a _good_ kiss, cupping Bradley’s face in both hands and meeting him boldly mouth to mouth, those plump lips moving on his, then the tongue–tip encouraging him to offer himself, Bradley’s lips parted and he groaned in surrender, the kiss deepened for a moment – but then Colin pulled away. Not immediately; he gently bit and tugged at Bradley’s lower lip for a moment as if wanting to take a piece with him, before he lifted his head, stepped back, let his hands fall.

Bradley went after him, wanting more, wanting _more_ of that, his hand wrapping around Colin’s nape, the other hand at Colin’s waist, and he was pressing close – thank god he wasn’t wearing Arthur’s chainmail but only tunic and trousers – Colin had backed up to lean against the parapet, and Bradley pressed close, mouth hungrily seeking mouth, and the rest of him, god the rest of him, at last his cock – his cock that had been so eager for this, so _on_ all the time, was pushing hard against Colin’s hip, and Bradley was groaning in need, all of him, just _all_ of him so turned on, he’d been wanting this he’d been _wanting_ this – and Colin –

And Colin –

Bradley lifted his head to consider his friend, who seemed surprised, troubled, as if he realised he’d just bitten off rather more than he’d bargained for – and though his lips were parted, pouting hungrily, he was frowning. ‘A kiss,’ Colin muttered thickly. ‘You asked for a kiss.’

‘I’ve been wanting…’ Bradley was frowning, too, now. ‘Of course, if it worked, that was just the start –’

‘But you said, with the other guy –’

‘Not a problem.’ He ground his hardness against that slim masculine hip as proof positive. ‘Not this time. I’m good to go.’

‘Bradley –’

‘What’s the matter? Don’t you –?’

But of course he didn’t. Belatedly registering what _wasn’t_ pressing hard against his own thigh, Bradley pushed a hand down there to confirm something he should have realised a whole lot sooner; he palmed Colin’s package through Merlin’s trousers. Colin’s utterly quiescent package. And Colin seemed shocked, unnerved; he was pale but for ugly splotches of red on his cheekbones. ‘Bradley –’ he brokenly cried under his breath.

Bradley pulled away. ‘Sorry,’ he offered, horrified. All this time he’d been assuming – ‘I thought you were –’ well, at least _interested_. ‘I thought it was –’ _somewhat_ mutual. ‘ _God,_ I’m sorry.’

‘Bradley, don’t –’

He felt like a complete Neanderthal. ‘Sorry,’ he said again. And he headed for the stairwell as fast as he could.

Colin didn’t call him back.

♦

Bradley went down late for breakfast on the Saturday, just about as late as he could. Nevertheless, Colin was there, sitting with a cup and a pot of coffee and an otherwise empty table, as if they’d cleared around him hours ago, but he’d been waiting, he’d been waiting. Well, Bradley figured they had to get past this sooner rather than later, even though they’d both put it off until now, each more mortified than the other. Bradley went to get himself a sachet of muesli, a bowl of fruit, a tub of yoghurt, and then took it to Colin’s table. He gestured diffidently at the seat opposite Colin. ‘D’you mind if I…?’

Colin gestured a wordless invitation.

Bradley served up the muesli, poured milk, waited until someone brought his usual pot of tea. And then at last he quietly asked, ‘You all right?’

‘Yeah. You?’

‘Yeah.’ Bradley sighed. ‘Are _we_ all right?’

‘We’re fine.’ Colin smiled at him, wryly. Genuinely. ‘Eat your breakfast.’

They were quiet at first, while Bradley started munching his way through the muesli, but soon enough they started talking about inconsequential things: the filming schedule for the following week; what they were going to do in London when they got back, before they were next due in Cardiff; whether they’d do their laundry later that day or leave it until Sunday. By which time the room was empty around them, except for the wait staff who were beginning to clear the far tables.

Eventually, as Bradley was making a start on the fruit, Colin said, low, ‘I  _was_ interested.’

‘OK,’ Bradley said neutrally, not looking at the man. He nodded, trying to indicate – he knew not what. Good will, or something. ‘That’s great. Cos I wouldn’t want to –’

‘I know you wouldn’t.’

‘OK,’ he said again, hoping that they were actually understanding each other for once. ‘I guess I –’

Colin sat up, leaned forward on his elbows and then pushed his head in closer across the table, spoke lower than ever. ‘I’m just always a bit slow to ramp up, yeah? Always. Don’t take it personally.’ A swift glance from those sharp blue eyes. ‘It’s my problem. Not yours.’

‘It is _not_ a problem,’ Bradley reassured him earnestly. God, had people made the poor guy feel bad about that? ‘Anyone makes you feel like it’s a problem – Well. That’s _their_ problem.’

A grateful glance, with hints that it might turn hot later in the day…

‘I’m sorry,’ Bradley offered. ‘I shouldn’t have assumed – I was _way_ outside my comfort zone, and I leapt to conclusions.’

Colin nodded. ‘Once I’m…’

‘Ramped up?’

‘Yeah. I don’t think anyone would be disappointed.’

Bradley took a breath, and grinned. There they were, leaning in across the table with their heads close, and Bradley thought he might have at last heard what he wanted to hear from this man. He took a breath and sat up. He risked a gently fondly mocking tone: ‘Oh is that so, Colin Morgan?’

Colin sat up to face him, all cheeky manly confidence. ‘Yeah, that’s so.’

Bradley’s grin deepened, and he pushed aside his fruit. ‘I think we’d better, uh… take this conversation somewhere a little more private.’

‘Right.’

They made it as far as the corridor on their floor, and pretty much as soon as they were out of the lift, Colin was crowding Bradley, pushing him back against the wall, kissing him – _kissing_ him. _God,_ it was so incredibly good…

Bradley gasped as Colin’s mouth abandoned his to instead bite and suck and lick at his throat. Bradley ran his hands down the undulations of Colin’s ribs, shaped them round his narrow waist. ‘I want more than a kiss,’ Bradley confessed, wanting to make sure that all was clear between them for once. ‘God, I love how you kiss, but I’m curious about more. Always have been.’

‘Yeah.’ Colin lifted his head to look at Bradley, and while they had each other’s gaze caught, Colin deliberately ground his hips against Bradley’s – demonstrating that there was something going on down there already, even if it didn’t yet match Bradley’s hardness. ‘We should definitely… do _some_ thing.’

‘Yeah?’

‘As much or as little as you like, Bradley. We should probably keep this simple.’

‘I wanna be fucked.’

Colin stilled. ‘What?’

‘I’ve been curious about that, too. I want you to fuck me.’

Colin was still plastered up against him, but was also considering Bradley warily. ‘That’s a lot.’

‘I want a lot.’

‘But all that, for your first time.’

‘You could argue it’s not really my first time.’

‘Yeah, it is.’

‘All right, yes, it is.’

Colin pulled away, frowning in thought. Bradley hardly managed to prevent himself reaching for him, grabbing the man up close again. He was cold all down his front where Colin had been pressed so tight.

After a few long moments, Colin asked, ‘Well, how is it? When you do yourself?’

Bradley laughed in surprise. ‘Um… physically impossible? Don’t know about yours, but mine isn’t that bendy…’

Colin was looking distinctly unimpressed. He’d been serious.

‘Sorry, how exactly am I meant to have…?’

An impatient roll of his eyes, ‘You’re not ready for that, Bradley, if you’re not even fingering yourself.’

 _Oh._ Bradley paled, and then blushed. ‘Oh,’ he managed. The possibilities just hadn’t really occurred to him. ‘Look, I want it. I want to _know_. And I see now that I could have been doing that already. But I’m slow. And stupid. Don’t count that against me.’

Colin nodded agreeably enough, but it was obvious that he wasn’t on board.

All right. ‘So, you won’t… unless I do…’

Another nod, more committed this time.

‘Now, then,’ Bradley said. ‘I’ll do it now. Come with me. Tell me what to do. Watch me.’

Colin moaned a little, looking surprised. Looking overcome. Bradley got the distinct impression that everyone involved was fully ramped up by now.

‘Then you can judge for yourself about taking it further.’

Speechless, Colin was speechless, but at last just as Bradley was beginning to doubt himself again, Colin blurted, ‘Have you got lube? Stuff? I’ll fetch mine, I’ll come to yours.’

‘No, I’ll come with you,’ Bradley blurted in return, panicked at the thought of letting Colin out of his sight.

‘All right,’ said Colin. And he turned on his heel and strode off.

Bradley rushed to follow along behind.

♦

Colin was fully dressed and sitting on the chair he’d pulled near, looking cool and relaxed with only his hands betraying him, his lovely hands which were knotted up together in his lap as if he was barely holding himself back from making a grab for Bradley… Bradley, who was naked, sitting with his rear perched on the end of the bed, leaning back on one arm while with the other he was reaching down between his own thighs, pressing one well–lubed finger within himself, pressing it deep as far as it would go. It was…

‘How is it?’ Colin asked in hushed tones.

‘Extraordinary,’ he rasped out.

‘Yeah?’ Colin swallowed – but then it seemed that he shook himself out of his wide–eyed stare. ‘Does it feel good?’

Bradley tilted his head. He had to be honest. Somehow he knew he had to be honest. If there were going to be any misunderstandings at this point, it mustn’t be for lack of courage. ‘It feels like… like it _will_ be good. Sometime soon. Once I’m used to it.’

Colin nodded, as if that’s what he’d been expecting to hear, or maybe even hoping for. ‘Start – start moving. Fucking yourself. Just gently for now.’

He eased the finger out a little, and then back in. Eased it out a bit further, and back in. Moaned at the sensations, mostly centred around his hole, though he could certainly feel that his possession went deeper than that. He… he liked it. Maybe he was getting used to it already. After a few initial uncertainties, his cock was now as hard as ever.

‘Does it hurt?’ Colin whispered.

‘No,’ he admitted, letting his eyes fall closed. Still thrusting carefully in and out. _God…_ And to think he could have been doing this to himself all this time.

‘Not at all?’

It was already starting to be… rather fantastic. He was getting a certain sense of the possibilities. Then Bradley’s eyes flew open. ‘No. Should it?’ He blushed. ‘I mean, should I –?’

‘No, it’s fine, Bradley. Some people don’t have any problems with this at all. I guess you’re one of them.’

Was he some kind of – ‘It was kinda easy. Am I some kind of –?’

‘ _No._ You’re just lucky, if this is what you want…’ Colin sighed wistfully, and added, almost as if he were talking to himself, ‘Or maybe I’m lucky…’

Bradley stilled, and looked at the man with a sudden wild hope. ‘You’ll fuck me, then. Will you? God, I want that so bad, Colin…’

Colin nodded wordlessly at where Bradley possessed himself: _Keep going._ Bradley renewed his thrusting, starting to increase the pace and depth. Starting to hope. His hips began to hint at a rhythm, and his cock began to bob stiffly in time. At last Colin whispered, sounding as if his mouth was dry, ‘If you can manage… two fingers…’

Bradley groaned a little, and on his next thrust in he forced a second finger in with the first. It made him gasp, and he should probably have taken more time to ease it in, but matters were quickly becoming urgent. ‘Colin… Colin, _please…_ ’

‘Does it – does it – hurt?’

‘No.’

‘The _truth,_ Bradley.’

‘Not hurt,’ he said. ‘Strange. But good.’ He was thrusting quite hard now. Vigorous. And it was _good,_ if not sweetly pleasurable, but his cock was loving it, loving it, and he thought in time this would become the sweetest thing ever. ‘Fuck me,’ he demanded, falling back down onto his elbow. ‘Fuck me,’ he pleaded. ‘Or I’m gonna –’

He opened his eyes to see Colin standing before him, jeans unzipped and cock towering tall and proud – Colin rolling a condom down its length, an intent frown drawing his brows together. ‘You sure?’ he asked sparely, noticing Bradley watching him, and looking directly into his needy gaze. ‘ _God,_ Bradley… you’re sure?’

‘I am _so fuckin’ sure…_ ’ He’d stilled, but he didn’t withdraw his fingers. Not until Colin had swiped lube over his cockhead, and was moving down between Bradley’s thighs.

‘All right,’ Colin said throatily, as they shifted together into this new configuration – Bradley lifting one leg up to hook around Colin’s waist as Colin leant forward on one long arm – Colin stretching his legs out, his shoes finding purchase on the carpet – Bradley curling up beneath him, open to him, watching him, feeling raw and brave and helpless – Colin’s hand on his own cock guiding it, and Bradley’s fingers guiding him, too, the cockhead seeking entry and the fingers letting him slip in – and – Bradley gasped – Colin gasped, ‘All right?’

‘Yes. Yes. _God,_ yes.’ That was _Colin_ inside him now, pushing up snug within him – and Bradley’s breath was coming in great noisy gusts, but Colin didn’t seem to mind, in fact Colin looked like he’d died and found heaven, though he was watching Bradley so carefully, so intent on making sure this wasn’t hell for his friend – Bradley lifted his arms around that slim torso, those broad shoulders, lifted his other leg to hook around that waist, he lost his balance somewhere and he just had to let go and trust Colin to keep him safe there on the edge – and he was nothing now, nothing but a curled–up ball of flesh into which his friend his wonderful friend was thrusting, and a cock a hard cock bobbing there just loving this _loving_ it – maybe one day he would come like this, with nothing more or less than this, but for now – Colin moaned in a protest, obviously already drawing near the end, and he reached down between them, wrapped his palm and long fingers around Bradley, asked a question with a lift of his brow – _‘Yes,’_ he replied –

And Bradley was coming in great long shudders, and maybe it wasn’t sweet but it was _profound,_ his whole world shook apart – and then Colin was powering up into him, and Bradley gasped, curling up further, but he could take it, he could take it – and Colin was crying out as if shocked by the intensity – though a moment later he was mumbling, ‘Oh Christ, oh Jesus – Bradley, I’m sorry – are you all right?’

‘Yes,’ he panted, ‘yes.’

‘I never meant to –’

‘I loved it,’ he said fiercely.

Colin had tucked his head in against Bradley’s throat. ‘I was just gonna watch while you…’

 _‘I loved it.’_

♦

Colin took care of him, then, obviously still a bit shocked at himself. He helped Bradley into the bed, got rid of the condom and tucked himself away, wiped Bradley clean with a wet flannel and dried him, arranged the duvet over him. Then Colin sat on the edge of the bed beside Bradley, and stroked his hair, shaped a hand to his shoulder. Colin was still fully dressed. He hadn’t even kicked off his shoes. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

Bradley curled up towards the man, wondering if any of the many things he wanted to ask for might now be granted. Probably not. ‘I’m fine,’ he said, with all his certainty.

‘You’re not hurt?’

He had to be honest. ‘A bit sore. Nothing’s painful.’

‘I wasn’t even gonna touch you.’

‘I’m glad you did. I’m _glad._ God, Colin, I’ve been wanting this so much.’

Nothing but a sad smile in response. And then Colin said, ‘That was it, then. Wasn’t it?’

Bradley smiled a bit brokenly, his heart pounding, and he agreed: ‘This is it.’

And then to Bradley’s utter shock, Colin stood and walked out. Walked out on Bradley, walked out of his own hotel room. Bradley lay curled there alone in the bed, and Colin was gone.

♦

### four

Bradley blinked. It came crashing through him then; things he’d heard, things his mum had said over the years, and he’d never properly understood: _You hear what you expect to hear_ , or _You hear what you want_. He so totally got that now. But it wasn’t too late. It wasn’t.

He scrambled out of Colin’s bed, and grabbed up his own t–shirt. Dashed out of the hotel room, not even caring that the door swung shut after him. Chased down the corridor after Colin’s tall retreating back. ‘Col! Colin, wait –’

Colin spun around, looking a bit surprised to find Bradley jogging after him with nothing but a scrunched up t–shirt held in front of him for modesty’s sake. ‘Bradley –’

‘Tell me,’ Bradley insisted as he came to a halt in front of his friend. ‘Tell me about the mad things you thought when we first met.’

Colin looked hugely doubtful. He muttered, ‘Dunno if that’s such a great idea, Bradley.’

‘It _is._ I promise. If we’re honest with each other now, I  _promise,_ it’ll be fine. It’ll be better than fine.’

‘You know…’ Colin grimaced. ‘Maybe you _don’t_ know… this means a lot to me, Bradley. Whatever it’s been, whatever it is. Whatever it turns out to be.’

‘Me, too. It’s like that for me as well.’

After a long moment, Colin looked away, and seemed to gather his courage. ‘I thought… It was mad, but I thought we were in love. Both of us.’

Bradley wanted to grin then, but he knew it would be too much. He kept it to a smile, though probably a slightly crazed one. ‘We _were,_ Colin. We _are._ We should have trusted that instead of all the words. Cos we never understood each other’s words.’

Colin was still massively reluctant to go along with all this. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and asked, ‘What didn’t I understand?’

‘So many things – _Both_ of us,’ Bradley quickly added when Colin scowled. ‘Both of us not understanding. For all these months.’

‘So, it’s like I said. We’re doomed to never really communicate.’

‘We can if we try. Look. When I said _This is it_ just then, I meant _This is love, this is the real thing._ And you said _That was it_ …’

Colin grimaced. ‘Yeah, I meant _That was it, you’ve had what you wanted._ ’

‘You meant it was over. I meant it’s finally begun.’

‘When did you get so wise?’

‘The question is… which do you want?’

A long hushed moment passed as Colin pondered this.

And then with excruciatingly bad timing the lift chimed to announce an arrival. Bradley set his jaw obstinately. He was _not_ gonna be chased away now when the prize was so nearly within reach.

But Colin ushered him along urgently. ‘Come on, back to my room.’

Bradley obediently turned and led the way, as Colin followed, shielding him from view. ‘D’you have a key with you?’ Bradley asked. ‘I just let the door shut.’

‘Yeah, I do.’

The girls’ unmistakeable giggles sounded from just around the corner, but then Bradley and Colin were safe behind a locked door. In Colin’s room.

They watched each other for long moments, and gradually Bradley began to smile.

Colin echoed him, and shrugged. ‘Think I just made my decision.’

‘Say it,’ Bradley urged. ‘Say it plain for once. And I’ll say it, too.’

‘This is it,’ Colin said after another moment slipped by. ‘This is love.’

Bradley grinned. ‘I love you, too.’

‘At least for the season…?’

‘With an option on forever.’

And Colin was grinning, too. ‘Forever, aye. It’s the real thing.’

♦


End file.
